Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I see through liars

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

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I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

Why do women consider 80% of men as unattractive?

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know who the president of Turkey really is

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

How does Bollywood influence Indian culture?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t buy bullshit

If Jesus was crucified by Governor Pontius Pilate, why does the Quran deny his death?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

What is the sluttiest thing your wife has ever done?

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

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I have a reading level above third grade

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

What is the reason behind the Russian government's negative view on foreign travel?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

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I have complete contempt for traitorism

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for fakery

What was your best experience of having your navel touched?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

What steps can be taken to track down a scammer and determine their location?

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I can count

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I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Why do some women squirt and some don't?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I actually pay taxes

Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

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I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I can read

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I understand how hurricane paths work

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I took the same Oath and took it seriously